I’m a single dad, not a child molester

Let’s play a game.
Let’s say there’s a little girl we’ll call Brittany. Now Brittany is in the secound grade at a school she’s been attending since kindergarten. She’s outgoing and cute, dresses odd at times, can be very funny, is a tad bookwormish, and is most definitively a Taylor Swift fan.

Brittany meets and becomes fast friends with another little girl in her class named Mallory. They both like the TV show Good Luck Charlie and Tap Pet Shop on their iTouches, not to mention Mallory loves Taylor Swift to. They quickly become inseparable pals eating lunch together every day, playing during recess, and drawing pictures of one another under rainbow and butterfly filled skies.
One afternoon Mallory comes running home from school asking her mom and dad if she can have a sleepover at Brittany’s house this weekend. It seems Brittany recently got Just Dance 3 for the Wii and they plan on having a dance party late into the night.

The usual next step entails Brittany and Mallory’s mom talking on the phone or maybe meeting up for a quick ‘get-to-know’ and it’s party on. But if that was all it wouldn’t be much of a post. Well it isn’t all because there’s one small detail I left out. In this story you’re Mallory’s mom or dad and the sleepover she wants with Brittany, well, it’s going to be at my home – her unmarried, and single father.

If the quality of a parent is based on aptitude and performance I’ll be in the Mommy and Daddy Hall of Fame.

Now let me ask you this question. What is the very first thought going through your mind after realizing the place where your daughter is going to spend the night is a single dad’s house?
You don’t have to answer that because I already know. It’s something like this…
Not a chance in hell!
And here’s a secret, it would probably be the same for me.

Next month marks seven years since her mom and I broke up. That’s seven years of co-parenting on my own. That’s 2,555 days full of diaper changes, potty training episodes, nursing nosebleeds, performing tuck-ins, and reciting bedtime stories. I’ve doctored diaper rashes, attended parent/teacher conferences, and sat through a dozen God-awful elementary school musicals. I’ve read to classrooms, been a teacher’s helper, and ate $2.30 school lunches with a table of seven year olds. There are only two feats I’ve yet to check-off from the parenting manual – breast feeding and giving birth and that’s only because I don’t come with the necessary accessories.
If you’re going to judge a parent based upon his or her aptitude and performance, go ahead and induct me into the Mommy and Daddy Hall of Fame, right now.
So why is it when Mallory asked if she could have a sleepover at my house you looked at your spouse and thought “how are we going to get out of this?”

It’s one of the harshest realities I’ve ever faced as an man, and a father – since I don’t live with a woman I’m less of a parent. In the court of public opinion I’m a dad who’s guilty until proven innocent and even if I am acquitted I still need an ankle bracelet and must check in with my parole officer once a month. Because I failed to be married I’m no less inclined to fail as a parent.

Why, and this question is directed at me as much as anyone else, do I feel way more uneasy if my kids are in a home where the responsible parent isn’t a woman? Why do I believe it isn’t a good idea since there isn’t going to be a mom around and therefore I make up some lame lie excuse about why my kid can’t spend the night with her friend? Why do feel I need to ask around, run a complete background check, and ask for blood and urine samples because the dad isn’t married? And why would I be more relaxed if it were at moms?

The fact isn’t lost on me that my daughter has tons of sleepovers but none of them are at my home. In the last 2 years she has only had one friend spend the night and it was a neighbor who lived 200 yards away and her parents had me on speed dial. Sure, my daughter wants friends over but it never seems to materialize, as if by magic the other kids are always busy…until the next weekend she’s at her moms.

Why are single dads looked upon more critically than any another parent? While single moms are virtually sanctified to the level of Mother Theresa for their seemingly endless supply of self-sacrifice; single dads are expected to be self-centered, negligent, and unreliable – especially as a parent. It’s undeniable that a single father is first and foremost regarded as single. Because I’m not with a woman why is it assumed I must have the parenting skills of a green sea turtle? That I will invariably let my and your kids watch too much television, drink gallons of soda, and run with knives.

But let’s be completely honest. The actual reason there’s a problem, whether you want to admit it or not, is the idea of your daughter or son staying at my house fills your mind with dreadful images better left unsaid.

I could tell you that I, like most dads, just want the best for my kids and for them to have happy and joyful childhoods. I could also tell you that as a single dad I guarantee I work harder towards that than any married dad ever will. I could mention it offends me that you think your child would be any less safe and secure with me just because a woman isn’t under my roof. And I could bring up that if you actually got to know me you’d quickly realize I, and many other single dads like me, aren’t anything like the deadbeats you hear about in the media.
But chances are it wouldn’t do any good, so instead I’ll just leave you with this remainder

I’m a single dad not a child molester.

How many friends are enough?

How do you know when you have the right amount of friends? Well, to be honest, that’s something only you can decide. There isn’t a set number when it comes to happiness. What are you looking for in a social life? What do you want to do, what plans do you have? These are question you need to have an answer to to be comfortable in your social circle.



When you ask How do I get friends, what is it you are really asking? You’re asking how to be cooler, how to be liked more. Whatever circles you run in, everyone wants to be liked, wants approval. We understand that because we are no different. It’s human nature. That’s something you need to keep in mind.
You are never going to just sit back and say, I have enough friends. That is just limiting yourself. Some people are happy with 2 really good friends, some people need 100. It’s all up to the individual. We have to assume that because you are at this website, you want more friends! Well, we will be publishing quite a bit here in the upcoming weeks and months to help you out with that goal!

Chorizo con yummy stuff

As you can see I’m fluent in Spanglish, which is to say I’m not so fluent in Spanish.

My latest creation was also Tuesday morning’s breakfast. May I present my chicken chorizo omelette with homemade pico de gallo and homemade peach mango salsa. It tastes awesome and has less than 400 calories.

To me breakfast should be loaded with flavor. There’s nothing wrong with a muffin or oatmeal but I prefer something with a little kick. That’s probably why there’s almost always chicken chorizo in my fridge and fresh jalapenos on the counter.

I attended a couple barbecues over Memorial Day Weekend and brought homemade guacamole, pico de gallo and peach mango salsa to both. Tuesday morning I woke up and remembered that I had extra pico and salsa and decided to incorporate them into my breakfast.

I make the pico de gallo every couple of days because I use it to flavor a lot of things, like this omelette. When peaches, pineapple or mango are reasonably priced I tend to make salsa with that because it’s great flavor and still healthy.

Before we make the omelette, let’s assemble the pico do gallo and the salsa. You can make these right before you cook or you can make them and let them sit in the refrigerator for a while to let it marinate and get tastier.

When it comes to pico de gallo everyone likes it a little different so here’s what I suggest. Dice up as many tomatoes as you think you want and toss them into a bowl.

The other things I put in mine are diced jalapeno, garlic, red onion and either kosher salt or sea salt. If you like a lot of onion but no jalapeno, make it that way. The great thing about a dish like pico de gallo and salsa is that you can customize it however you want to.

I was supposed to make mango salsa this weekend but I couldn’t find enough mangos that were ripe when I needed them to be, so I “cut” it with yellow peaches I found on sale. Like the pico, dice as many peaches, mangos, pineapple or whatever fruit you want to use as a base and place in a bowl.

The other things I put in my mango peach salsa are cilantro, red onion, jalapeno, lime juice, kosher/sea salt and a touch of cayenne pepper. Add the ingredients as you see fit and when you get to the right combination, you’ll know it. When I make it I have probably 70% mango/fruit, 20% tomato and the remaining 10% is split between cilantro, onions and jalapeno.

Add a sprinkle or two of cayenne, a small amount of lime juice and stir. After that you sample small bites and have fun creating something that would make Guy Fieri say, “That’s totally money.”

Now that the salsa and pico are done, take some chicken chorizo and cook it in a pan or electric skillet. If I was being all fancy I would use a different pan to cook the eggs in so everything looked nice but I usually do it in one pan so there is one less thing to wash.

Chicken chorizo averages about thirty calories per ounce and I’m guessing my omelette had about three ounces or ninety calories. I also used three large eggs which average about seventy calories apiece or two hundred ten calories.

While the chorizo cooks dice up some red onion, jalapeno or whatever else you’d like in your omelette. I would typically put tomatoes in my omelette but since I had the pico made, I left them out.

Push the chorizo aside and let the veggies soak in the chorizo-y goodness that was left behind. Since this was chicken chorizo there won’t be much grease but whatever is left you can dispose of with a paper towel, turkey baster or however you get rid of things of this nature.

I grind some black pepper into the eggs, whip them with a fork and pour over the chorizo mixture. Once the eggs are cooked on the first side I flip them and get the plate ready. Like I said, it’s not the prettiest way to make breakfast but it’s pretty darn tasty.

After that I topped my creation with some pico de gallo (about twenty five calories for four ounces) and with my peach mango salsa (sixty calories per quarter cup).


Not a bad way to start your day, huh?

What "Treating A Low On The Go, Go-To Snack" Do You Currently Have On Your Person?

I always have food on my person. No matter how small the bag or where I am, I ALWAYS have food on me.
Does it get to be cumbersome at times? YES indeed it does.
Do I bitch about it?? Yes indeed I do bitch out loud about my backpack being a mini CVS from time to time.

But if I didn't carry around so much crap (food, testing supplies, insulin, spare infusion sets, etc.,) I wouldn't be able to live an independent life, so I tend to get over the occasional grumpiness in that area pretty quickly.
Currently, there's an emergency granola bar and about a half used roll of glucose tabs (Mixed Fruit flavor) in my backpack. And then of course there's my lunch, which consists of Peach Greek Yogurt and two small apples and 4 cheesesticks sitting in the fridge at work.

Sidebar: Today's lunch (and backup food) is especially healthy because I'm going out to dinner with friends tonight for dinner - And that meal won't be so healthy - But I digress!

Now I tend to mix up my "on the go emergency snacks to treat a low" just so I won't get sick of them. Sometimes I carry Larabars, other times I carry the Trader Joe's Fruit Skins, and from time to time I've been known to carry Starbursts.
So my question to you dear Diabetesalicious reader is this: So what current on the go snack to treat a low do you have on or near your person? And do you change up your emergency travel time low treats just for shits & giggles or do you stick to the same thing??

Cash Back Recycling – Brilliant!

On trash pickup days, we put our recyclable materials in curbside bins: glass bottles, plastic bottles, tin and aluminum cans. The city hauls them all away for recycling. “Do we get the CRV?” my daughter asked.

“No, we just let the truck take it all away for free,” I said. “And we feel good for recycling.”




My daughter was aghast, We were giving away cash! Ever the industrious girl. She kept the recyclable containers aside until we had a month’s worth of bottles and cans. It was a huge pile of loot, with plenty of those big dime-value containers.

We drove to our local recycling center, and were promptly told to sort our cans and bottles into bins. No problem! We had already separated the glass and plastic. How hard could it be?

“Clear glass here, colored glass there, aluminum here, plastic there, tin here,” the guy running the place said. A gruff-looking man rode up on a bicycle with huge plastic bags full of recyclables that we guessed he collected off the street. He didn’t need a tutorial, he went straight to work at sorting his find. Hey, if he can do it, so can we.

“Just make sure it says CA CRV on the label,” the recycling station manager said to us.
“Don’t they all say CA CRV?” we asked.
The recycling station manager cracked a smile. “Nope.”

For the record – California pays cash back for containers that held water, soda, beer, wine coolers, mineral water, sport drinks, coffee, tea and juice. (The redemption value is added on to the price of the beverage when you buy it.)

Those milk cartons we brought? Bzzzt.
Those liquor bottles? (Whiskey, tequila, vodka, gin) Bzzzt.
Those plastic yogurt containers? Bzzzt.
Those tin cans that had healthy vegetables? Bzzzt.

For the stuff we returned that had redemption value, our cash back totaled a whopping 70 cents. That’s not even enough to buy a taco!

“So much for getting rich off our own recycling,” my daughter said.
My daughter gives up too easily. Clearly, we’re eating the wrong things.
“No more milk in your cereal,” I said. “Soda pays cash back.”

Caching!

What they should know!

What do I want people to know about diabetes. There are so many things that I wish people understood about type 1 diabetes. There is one that stands out. There is a quote that spells it out. "There are only two things people with type 1 can't eat. Poison, and cookies.....that have been made with poison." we can put anything into our mouths that we want to. We cover it with insulin. My 7 year old can eat anything that your 7 year old can. In fact, she needs those carbs to grow. She can have cupcakes if she wants. Apple juice did not cause her diabetes. I can eat ice cream when I feel like it. No, I shouldn't eat it all the time, but neither should you! So, mind your business and don't tell me about nutrition. Otherwise, I will spend 30 minutes educating you about diabetes. I will use small words and speak slowly to make sure that you understand. You still won't get it, but I will have tried.

Would you let you date your daughter?

I wasn’t always such a nice guy, There was a season of my life where I would lie and manipulate to get what I wanted. I was calculating and exact; like a master of deception I knew what to do, what to say, and how to say it. I would promise to call – and wouldn’t. I said I really cared – but I didn’t. I’d act excited the next morning – but I wasn’t. Shamefully, women represented for me a means to an end and as soon as the mission was complete, the victory achieved, and the thrill gone – so where they.

I wish I could say that this behavior happened during a time when games and dishonor would be blamed on youthful self-centeredness – but that too would be a lie. The fact is this narcissism occurred no so long ago when I knew better and had a very important reason to act like I did – I had a daughter.

As I think back at my actions in those days I am appalled at the hypocrisy. Here I was, this father to a beautiful little girl, engaging in a lifestyle that I would have been mortified for her to discover. Wasn’t I was supposed to be living in a way that showed her what real manhood should be? Wouldn’t she be getting her queues on how boys should treat her from the way I treated women? If that was so, the rate I was going she’d be pregnant or on a stripper pole by her 19^th birthday.

The first few years following my divorce I was easily able to separate fatherhood from singlehood. Because my daughter was far too young to ever grasp concepts like character and decency I could live one way while she was looking and live another when she wasn't. I hid my disgrace behind her naivety. But as she got older and our communication evolved from monologue to dialogue that little voice we each have started getting my attention. Now that we were having discussions around topics that would be the foundation for her eventual view on life, no longer would my conscience allow me get away with living a double standard.

If there is a litmus test, or barometer, for telling how well fathers are doing – as men- it’s summed up in the answer to this question:

“Would I let me date my daughter?”

How a man responds to that leaves no room for excuses and justifications. We can’t wiggle out of it, use the worn out excuse “you don’t understand”, or sweep it under the rug. All we have to do is replace ourselves, our behaviors, and how we see things with that boy who keeps texting and calling her. All the sudden those private corners of our life, the ones we don’t show anyone but continue telling ourselves is no big deal become a really big deal.

• Would you let that boy treat her the way you treat your wife?
• Would you let him date her if he was addicted to pornography?
• Would you bless their relationship if he had a gambling habit?
• Would you let him hang around if he did what you do – when no one’s looking?

Far too many parents, moms included, view everything in life on a case-by-case basis? We allow way too much subjectivity and leave more room for interpretation than we should. It seems almost every wrong deed we perform can be explained away with circumstance. We have an explanation for that affair on our wives or why we belittle, demean her. But when it comes to our children, especially a father and his daughter, we have no tolerance for circumstances, understanding, or forgiveness.

So we hide our disgrace behind our arrogance.

But as men and fathers we can’t live like that. We can’t disrespect and dishonor our wives but expect boys to treat our daughter like a princess. We have a responsibility, in fact a duty, to live in such a way that our daughters will know, from what they see in us, which boys to become involved with and which to stay away from. Through our actions, how we talk to her mother, how we treat her grandparents, what kind of father we are to her siblings, and how we treat the people around us she will learn to respect others, us, but most importantly herself. And in my own case, to live in a way that she will learn to distinguish a boy’s sincere interest and appreciation from someone who only sees her as a means.

The way I see it, if every daughter wants to marry someone like her daddy I hope to live the life of someone I’d want her to.

Chicago Trip at OneTrueMedia.com

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