A little over a year ago, my daughter (17 at the time) started dating a boy who lives a few blocks away. We spent that year carpooling with him and having him over for special occasions, doing what any good parent would do…letting him into our lives and supporting my daughter.
As I got to know him, I began to really like him. I realized just how much my daughter had fallen for him and it seemed to be a mutual feeling between them.
After they had been dating for around ten months and I knew that this relationship was not the typical high school fling.
NOW…
Breana confided in me what was going on and since that point I have been ultra sensitive on picking up on this behavior…that he hides quite well.
I have found that he was completely controlling of her. He had listed off to her the people that she is allowed to be friends with…and those that she can’t. She HAD to give him ALL of her passwords (email, cell phone, Facebook, myspace, …everything.) If she had changed her password and didn't tell him immediately, he freak the fuck out.
Very early in their relationship, she kind of flirted with an ex-boyfriend (after X had told her that she was never to communicate with any of her exs) and since that point he’s been untrusting and overboard controlling.
Now, when I talk with her about it she says that she screwed it up and that she had to do this so that he would trust her again.
FUCK THAT!!!
Now I have seen the hoops that she jumps through for him and now I am seeing that he gets in her face and that there is cussing and threats that fly around.
This is where I feel the need to hobble the fucker. I will not sit back and watch as he pushes her down …to a point where she believes that she deserves to be treated like a possession. BUT…she is 18 and she has not been ‘digesting’ the talks that I’ve had with her about the progression from controlling to abusive.
Do I step in and put him in his place…telling him that I know what is going on and I will not stand for it? (she would hate me for a long time…but maybe would not be ruined by X)
Do I continue to sit down with her and try to MAKE her understand what is happening?
Do I disable the phone and internet …so that she has no passwords to give him?
He freaked out on her the other day because she wore a sweater to school that she got from a boy FRIEND about 5 years ago.
I don’t know what to do
It seems like if I do what it takes to protect her…she’ll hate me.
If I talk to her and comfort her…I may not be doing my job as a father.
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!
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