Chair guy had a girlfriend?

That’s a shitty move bro.

I’m driving home from work on Wednesday and clicked on my favorite radio show, Shredd and Ragan on 103.3. A few minutes after I turned them on, they started discussing someone they called Chair Guy. You know who I’m talking about, right?
If you don’t, the short version is that in a small Ohio town, very, very near to West Virginia (I mean, like spitting distance), lived a man who literally did not get up from his chair in two years. I’m not kidding. He did everything in that chair. Yeah…Everything.
He wasn’t alone in the house. His girlfriend and a roommate lived there as well. How the fuck does someone live with a guy who for the last two years has crapped his pants and pissed himself every time he had to relieve himself?
I wanna know something about the girlfriend. Did she perform her “girlfriend-ly duties”? If so, that chick is a special kind of white trash!
Anyway…this week the two roommates found him unconscious and called paramedics. When they arrived they found his skin “welded to the chair with his own urine and feces.” I’ll pause for a moment while you try to get that image out of your head….
They had to cut him out of the chair and they had to cut a hole in the wall because he was too big to fit through the door. They took him to the hospital and the state told the roommates they had to clean the apartment thoroughly or get the hell out!!! A state inspector said he goes to the house daily to monitor the process.
WTF is up with the girlfriend and the roommate? How could they live there in the stench and the filth and the squalor? I mean, we all know the roommate was bangin the girlfriend, right? C’mon, it’s pretty obvious Chair Guy isn’t getting any. Yeah, she’s a special kind of white trash, but there had to be a point where she just said, “I can’t baby. Sorry.”
Those two should be put in jail for subjecting Chair Guy to this prolonged agony he must have been in. It’s pretty obvious that this guy hasn’t been mentally capable for a very long time, and these two were morally, if not legally, obligated to call authorities after a few days of this. This shit went on (pun intended) for TWO YEARS!!!
How sad is it, that after I heard the story, the first thing to cross my mind was, “No shit? Chair guy has a girlfriend?” I mean, how the fuck did this guy get a girlfriend, when perfectly mobile men with proper bathroom etiquette, can’t find someone? Seriously. That guy has game.
Actually, it’s more proper to say Chair Guy HAD game. He passed away Wednesday; just three days after being removed from his chair. If the roomies can’t be prosecuted legally, we should at least be allowed to kick ‘em in the junk. Anytime. Anywhere. Can I get an Amen?
I’ve already determined that she’s a special kind of white trash, but the dude is too. Not only for the living conditions, but for nailin his roommates girlfriend the past couple of years. That’s a shitty move bro.
As I close this tale, I would ask that before you click to another fabulous post on my blog, that you observe a moment of silence as we ponder in our heads, just what those living conditions were like, [shudder]

R.I.P Chair Guy.