As a single dad on the dating scene, I can totally relate to my daughter as she dates. The butterfly feelings of meeting someone new, the nerves that come with letting that person know you're interested, the anxiety of wondering if they'll return the love/like/lust, the sheer pleasure in holding hands, kissing, and spooning (er, that last part is for me, not my daughter. Yet!) No matter the age, romantic relations can be equal parts madness and bliss. I already blogged about how dating for single parents is tougher than a high school crush. But in some ways, it's also easier.
And so, I wanted to write an open letter of advice to my daughter, to get us on the same dating-wise page.
Dear Pumpkin...
You've reached an age where you are starting to explore the pleasures of spending intimate time with members of the opposite sex. I know you'll steal moments with a dating crush, then not tell me about it. That's okay. I used to tell my parents I was going bowling, then make out with my girlfriend for hours on end. (Now that I'm a parent, I realize my own parents probably weren't as dumb as I made them out to be when I was a teen!)
Tip #1: Don't fall in love with a teacher. It never leads to anything good. I had classmates in high school get involved with teachers. I had friends in college sleep with professors. None of those relationships lasted, and they caused a ton of other problems for all parties involved. (Older men younger women dating relationships can be awkward for a tight-knit community like a school.) Just remember to keep your eyes fixed on other students, and leave it to me, the single dad, to be hot for teacher when appropriate. (Haha. If any readers are getting bent out of shape by that cheeky remark, go fix a cocktail and down it before reading more!)
Tip #2: Don't send dirty text messages to crushes, or anyone you're dating. Trust me, at your age, stuff like that has a tendency to end up on social networking sites, right when a college admissions counselor is reviewing your application. Feel free to send as many dirty text message jokes as you like - from a friend's phone! (Haha. Not really. My daughter has had friends misuse her phone, and it's no phone for a parent to deal with the repercussions later. Ready yet for another cocktail?)
Tip #3: Learn how to cook. I know, I know - cooking is boring. At least that's what you think now. There are reasons why I cook - it grounds me in the present moment, and makes me happy knowing I'm creating a healthy meal from scratch. All more than you care to fathom right now. Just know if you can grill asparagus for a date, you'll likely get your date all hot and bothered. (Just don't tell me about the hot and bothered part!)
Tip #4: Don't go to parties! Okay, I'm being paranoid. But I do know that bad things can happen when young people drink. That said, once you're in college, feel free to attend as many toga parties as humanly possible, drink as much beer as you can without destroying your GPA, learn a killer margarita recipe, and generally do as many crazy things as possible (keeping in mind the social network angle - future employers might find out!) Maybe skip parties where they expect you to be nude in chains, in a cage. (Nude yoga? Er... just don't tell me about it.) Other than that, knock yourself out!
Tip #5: If you fall in love, get married, have children, then drift apart and get divorced - know that it's not the end of the world. Divorce is hard, no doubt, and I'm not necessarily recommending that approach. But if it happens, deal with it. Dating after divorce is possible. (See tips #1, #2, and #3 above.)
I hope you find the love of your life, but more importantly - I hope you learn to give love without condition. There's no greater bliss.
Love, Dad
Tip #1: Don't fall in love with a teacher. It never leads to anything good. I had classmates in high school get involved with teachers. I had friends in college sleep with professors. None of those relationships lasted, and they caused a ton of other problems for all parties involved. (Older men younger women dating relationships can be awkward for a tight-knit community like a school.) Just remember to keep your eyes fixed on other students, and leave it to me, the single dad, to be hot for teacher when appropriate. (Haha. If any readers are getting bent out of shape by that cheeky remark, go fix a cocktail and down it before reading more!)
Tip #2: Don't send dirty text messages to crushes, or anyone you're dating. Trust me, at your age, stuff like that has a tendency to end up on social networking sites, right when a college admissions counselor is reviewing your application. Feel free to send as many dirty text message jokes as you like - from a friend's phone! (Haha. Not really. My daughter has had friends misuse her phone, and it's no phone for a parent to deal with the repercussions later. Ready yet for another cocktail?)
Tip #3: Learn how to cook. I know, I know - cooking is boring. At least that's what you think now. There are reasons why I cook - it grounds me in the present moment, and makes me happy knowing I'm creating a healthy meal from scratch. All more than you care to fathom right now. Just know if you can grill asparagus for a date, you'll likely get your date all hot and bothered. (Just don't tell me about the hot and bothered part!)
Tip #4: Don't go to parties! Okay, I'm being paranoid. But I do know that bad things can happen when young people drink. That said, once you're in college, feel free to attend as many toga parties as humanly possible, drink as much beer as you can without destroying your GPA, learn a killer margarita recipe, and generally do as many crazy things as possible (keeping in mind the social network angle - future employers might find out!) Maybe skip parties where they expect you to be nude in chains, in a cage. (Nude yoga? Er... just don't tell me about it.) Other than that, knock yourself out!
Tip #5: If you fall in love, get married, have children, then drift apart and get divorced - know that it's not the end of the world. Divorce is hard, no doubt, and I'm not necessarily recommending that approach. But if it happens, deal with it. Dating after divorce is possible. (See tips #1, #2, and #3 above.)
I hope you find the love of your life, but more importantly - I hope you learn to give love without condition. There's no greater bliss.
Love, Dad
