(Fingers in Ears) La La La La La

Let me do something very ridiculous right now. I am going to give all of you the secret formula (soon not to be so secret) for how to make Grumpy lose his mind. It is a simple recipe, so you can try this at home yourself. Ready? Here is what you have to do...

Don’t hear me.

That’s it. Don’t hear me.

Simple, yes? And, you might say, not that big of a deal. We all go unheard sometimes, and while, yes, it can be mildly irritating, most everyone learns to move on, right? It’s just that....well....I haven’t really learned that lesson very well.

It may be because I was the oldest in my family growing up and had my questions and observations constantly dismissed. It may be because I’ve suffered my share of grief in life because other people refused to hear what I was saying and I frequently had to live with the consequences. At any rate, it’s a sensitive issue for me. When I feel I’m not being heard, it sends my anxiety level right through the roof. Consequently all of my coping mechanisms are exagerated and filled with panic.

In other words. Get the straight jacket, because there is nothing like temporary insanity to really make a person not hear you, which leads to even greater anxiety and insanity. Its a one way ride I’ve been on several times.

And it’s also a ride I’ve taken too recently. In the past two months, three people have come into my life who are, each of them, extraordinarily bad listeners. Or at least they are unable or unwilling to hear what it is that I am saying. And as if this period of my life isn’t nutso enough, I found that I was suddenly repeating old habits of chandelier swinging and mouth foaming in an effort to get my points across to them. No wonder my calls aren’t being returned.

Well the madness seems to have passed now, thanks to a self imposed exile from blogging life and public appearances. And after a moment of calm, I reminded myself that I need to stop asking people to be who I want them to be, to stop hoping they will behave how I want them to behave, and mostly to stop requiring them to acknowledge what they refuse to hear in the first place. If they won’t hear it, then they aren’t giving me the minimum amount of respect I deserve from the people I let in my life. So they are no longer in my life.

And now, as the dust settles and I take down the padding from my walls, I return to my blog. To share a few more bits of self disclosure and foolishness with those who are still paying attention to what I say. Thanks for listening.

Why Do YOU Go To Hooters?

"Delightfully Tacky" - That's how Hooters advertises their establishment and they live up to it.

Hooters was started by six Florida businessmen who thought, "Hey... lets have a restaurant where hot chicks bring out sub par food while dressed in high-waisted booty shorts and tight tank-tops! We'll call it 'Hooters' and we'll have an owl with great big eyes like he just saw a big pair of hooters himself! Hey... his eyes can even be the two 'O's' in 'Hooters'! Is anyone writing this down!"

I wish I had thought of the idea honestly. I mean, you automatically tap into 50% of the human population with every straight, red-blooded American male (or drooling cavemen) as potential spenders despite whether or not your food is even good (or in my case... gives you the ever-lovin' runs the moment I walk in the front door of my house)!

Let's not kid ourselves here... no one goes to Hooters for the food. HONESTLY! SERIOUSLY! C'MON DON'T LIE TO ME! Guys go to Hooters in hope that they'll get the one waitress that has to put in her five hours of work a week to be able to compete in the Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant.

I fit into that demographic. I'm straight, I'm red-blooded, I'm American, I'm male and, I don't frequent a Hooters but I'd be lying if I said I'd never set foot in one. Only on special occasions have I ever gone to a Hooters i.e. bachelor parties, guys night out, bat mitzvahs, etc. Never have I turned to Breana and said, "You wanna go eat at Hooters tonight? I'm really craving some wings." You know why I would never ask her that? Because she knows I'm not going to eat their food! C'MON!!! SERIOUSLY!!!

Hooters taps into the most blatantly obvious visual stimulation to sell food and people don't care that they're being led like lambs to a slaughter.

"Hey you... you want to eat these chicken wings that are guaranteed to give you the runs later?"

"No! Are you crazy?"

"How about a perky young college student with big hoo-hoo's and booty shorts serves 'em up to you? Would you mind getting the runs then?"

"Hmmm... do you have any artery clogging, high-fat ranch I could dip those wings into?"



"Hi there cutie! I hear you wanted the runs?"

Hooters uses boobs to sell food! They're not well-known for their food! "Man... that Hooters has some GREAT food!" is not something you're ever going to hear!

Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against Hooters other than it's blatant, "in your face" tactics at selling chicken wings. Hell... Katelyn even considered working at Hooters years ago when we were just dating as a way to make ends meet. They've got no qualms in advertising what's really so awesome about Hooters... they might have well just called it "Boobies"... then you still could have used to huge eyes for the two "O's" in "Boobies".

Quite simply, Hooters leaves less to the imagination than Olive Garden and that's why dudes like it. I don't want to and WILL NOT expose my daughter to that... it'll undoubtedly get shoved in her face eventually no matter how much I try to protect her from it. In the meantime I'll do my best to keep her from it.

Would you take daughter to Hooters? Would you take your kid to Hooters? Would you go to Hooters? Have you been to Hooters? Do you like Hooters (the restaurant AND the body part)? Let's see... tell me anything ANYTHING...

San Bernardino 66ers Baseball Team

San Bernardino 66ers Baseball Team, a set on Flickr.

Via Flickr:
66ers are the Single A ball club for The Angels

A Realistic View of the Effect of Diabetes

I found out I had diabetes in 1999. I was having chest pains and had a procedure done. Through all the tests, they found the diabetes. It wasn't easy at first, changing my lifestyle, food and way of thinking; my blood sugars (glucose) are always high. I found I needed to talk with someone who has diabetes also, to share my concerns, and listen to me and to hear what they had to say. I don't think people who are not diabetic understand a lot of what we feel and go through. I am going through depression right now, I have high blood pressure, so it is not just the diabetes I'm dealing with. I know people don't like reading stories where things are not all rosy, but the truth is, diabetes isn't rosy.We are in a fight for our lives, to keep our sight, our limbs and our hearts healthy and watch our carb intake, and keep our blood sugar down, it's a daily fight, but I am ready and willing to keep up  the good fight--to do what it takes to make a good life.                                                                             

Ten Films That I Never Tire of Watching

Okay, just a little fluff today (now updated with links). Maybe you’ve seen these, or maybe I can introduce you to something new. All I can say is that I know for a fact that I’ve seen each of these films at least ten times and I could watch any of them again tonight. They are awesome! I’m not saying all of these are GREAT films. I’m just saying I have an affection for them. Forgive the quality of these screenshots, they were all hastily grabbed from YouTube. In no particular order....

Seven Samurai

I first saw this film when studying Japanese history at school. I was too much of a mush head then to really see it as anything more than a straight ahead action film. Boy, what a dope I was! This film operates on countless levels and all of them are satisfying to watch. Besides the obvious plotline of a team of samurai helping to defend a farming village against bandits, there are about twenty other plotlines that are never directly mentioned, only shown. This film is exciting, funny, heartbreaking and visually gorgeous to behold.


Star Wars

Do I really need to justify this choice? It’s Star Wars!
I guess the only thing I can say about this is that I don’t think anyone who wasn’t twelve years old in 1977 (like yours truly) will ever really understand the cultural earthquake that was Star Wars. It changed everything. And while all Star Wars fans generally acknowledge that The Empire Strikes Back is a better film, I can still watch the original with twelve year old eyes and be as excited and stunned as I was that summer long ago.


The Incredibles
With this movie, Pixar moved from movies about toys, monsters, and ants and actually tackled real human emotions and human characters. Wow, did they ever succeed. Of course, the film can be seen as a straightforward superhero adventure, but it’s real subject is midlife crisis and how to be the best person you can be at any age. It also makes so many wonderful allusions to the pressures of family life in today’s world. And it also succeeds for sheer thrills. The scene pictured here of the aircraft being pursued by missles can stand up to any action scene in any other movie. It was a real nail biter!


To Kill A Mockingbird

Possibly the greatest film ever made. No justification needed.


Raiders of the Lost Ark

This film is so unbelievably perfect, it is hard to believe that George Lucas had anything to do with it. It has some of the most extraordinary editing I’ve ever seen, with every single shot having a purpose in driving the story forward. I cannot think of a single shot in this film that could be removed without seriously damaging the storytelling. The film is also pure, uncompromised romantic adventure story and stands on its own as a wonderful experience. Every sequel to this film was a waste of time and effort. Nothing was added to the characters and none of the stories were memorable.


Aliens

This film has more memorable one liners per square inch than any other film ever made and I’m amazed at the repeated entertainment value. It is over twenty-four years old and it still stands up to any sci-fi movie made since. I would still rather watch this movie tonight for the thirtieth time over watching Avatar twice.


The Right Stuff

The historical recreations in this film seriously kicked my butt. I really believed I had travelled through time and was watching history unfold before my eyes. I thought Sam Shepard was Chuck Yeager. I thought Ed Harris was John Glenn. The story, music, editing, acting and directing were all truly epic. You will come away knowing that Chuck Yeager was a man without fear. What a F’ing stud. And it closes with such an awesome line. “Look, sir, is that a man?” “You damn right it is.”


Dersu Uzala

I’m willing to bet that this is the film that most readers will not know about. That is a shame. It was made in the mid seventies by Akira Kurasawa, who also brought us the Seven Samuarai mentioned above. This film tells the tale of a Russian expedition of soldiers sent out to survey the most remote parts of the country. While in the wilderness, the soldiers meet a kind of mountain man named Dersu Uzala who has lived in the forest for most of his life and helps the soldiers to know it. Though judged to be a simple man at first, the Captain comes to discover that Dersu is one of the wisest men he has ever met and a beautiful friendship develops. This film is magnificantly shot. And the scene of the two men trying to cut enough grass to build a shelter before the sun sets (bringing certain death if they are exposed to the siberian night) will have you chewing your fingernails down to the nub. This film is a wonder. And you can find the whole thing on YouTube. Cancel your plans tonight and watch it.


Breaking Away

What Dirty Dancing is to middle aged Jewish women, this film is to middle aged guys from the midwest. It is a great way to remember what it was like to be nineteen. But whereas Dirty Dancing makes a half hearted attempt to recreate a lost age, this film arrives as an authentic time capsule that was actually filmed on location in 1978. The storyline is simple, the characters are charming and many scenes go back and forth between being heartwarming and very funny. I still laugh every time Paul Dooley’s used car saleman character wakes up in bed shouting “Refund? Refund?”

The Outlaw Josey Wales

Even after watching this film over twenty times, I can’t actually say it is a good movie. But I sure have an affection for it, and every time I catch it on television, I’m a captive prisoner until it is over. The storyline seems to be a typical cowboy revenge one, but a couple of things keep it from becoming a stereotype. One is Clint Eastwoods character actually goes from being an angry man with a vengeance to one who comes to accept the changes in the world and makes peace with it. He doesn’t just get his revenge. He grows. But often scenes do seem like they are set up just to show that Clint is a badass with a gun. Nevertheless, I find the historical recreations here, especially the scenes of the civil war soldiers to be superbly done. It really feels like you are in the time period hanging with confederate soldiers in the woods. You can also give this film credit for being the first to cast actual native americans as native americans.

People iz da Craziest People!

Just a little more proof that people are, in fact, insane.

property of Lucasfilm Inc.

Remember in the beginning of the first Star Wars movie when Darth Vader picks up a guy and chokes him while interrogating him? Well, it turns out that that character actually has a name: Captain Antillies. AND even though the guy appeared on screen for less than 25 seconds (6 of them laying on the floor dead)...he now has his own overpriced action figure. Yes, I said ACTION figure! What is his action? Getting choked and thrown against the wall?

The High King of Fictional Fathers

A scene from To Kill a Mockingbird. This scene always knocks me on my butt.
Mary Badham is the greatest child actor of all time.
public domain image

I thought I would write a brief Father’s day entry before I got busy with the real Father’s day. Today, I’d like to make mention of my favorite fictional father, and likely one of my favorite fictional characters of all time: Atticus Finch.

Atticus is the father in Harper Lee’s novel To Kill a Mockingbird. I saw the film before I read the novel and that is just fine. Gregory Peck embodies the character of Atticus to perfection. You can read a fuller portrait of Atticus here. What I want to recognize today in this Father’s Day posting, is the qualities of Atticus that I most admire and to which I strive to mimic daily.

1. He is a single father. No explanation needed why I like this. The guy kicks ass.

2. He has a moral center that is not based on religion, dogmatism, or tradition. It is based on the principals of justice, fairness, and common decency. Damn. That is so good I have to say it again. He has a moral center that is not based on religion, dogmatism, or tradition. It is based on the principals of justice, fairness, and common decency. Really, how many people can you actually say that about? That idea is so attractive to me that it actually gets me out of bed in the morning.

3. He talks to his children. He never talks down to them. In fact, his children call him Atticus, not Dad, apparently by his request. Also, when the difficult themes of the story unfold. Atticus tells his children what is happening. He doesn’t need to go into grusome details. He simply tells them the truth so that they can understand it. He never sways from the truth or denies it. If this fact alone doesn’t make you love the man, then nothing will.

4. The man does not compromise what he believes. In the face of ignorance, violence, and various other forms of public retribution, the man stands his ground. Possibly the shortest single positive definition of manhood that there is.

5. He displays generosity and kindness to those in need, and displays tempered courtesy to those who insult him and work to thwart him. The guy never lets himself be dragged into the mud. He simply relies on familiar social curtesies to remove himself from the situation and get back on track to his own ends. Wow. So cool.

I’m going to start a tradition this year of watching To Kill a Mockingbird on father’s day. And I’d like to invite others to do the same. When you need a big dose of positive fathering, I can’t think of better medicine.

Parenting is a Contact Sport

When it comes to raising kids, I’m like a lot of parents in that I sort of go with my gut. I try to give my daughter sound guidance and wisdom, without being too controlling or annoying.
Of course, I make mistakes, and I could benefit from reading some parenting books. But usually those books have steps and rules and methods and blah blah blah… who can remember all that in a crisis? Especially when something major goes down and I’m prone to overreact.
Let me tell you, there’s a new book out that boils everything down to one concept:

Parenting is a Contact Sport.

Simple! And so important, it’s also the title of the book: Parenting Is a Contact Sport: 8 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Kids for Life, by Joanne Stern, PhD. Every parent should read it.
Joanne Stern is a parent of two now-grown daughters. She was a single parent for five years, after her divorce and before remarriage. She built her family around the concept that the intimate relationship she had with her daughters should be the very foundation of their family life.This relationship was built on trust and respect, and was more important than whether or not her daughters got good grades, or made it home by curfew. Kids will always have trouble with something. The important thing is whether they feel comfortable enough to talk with their parents about it.
Yeah, right. What kid talks to their parent?
A lot of kids would, if they felt it was safe. Meaning, if they knew they could share their fears and mistakes without their parent getting angry, without their parent screaming at them or making them feel guilty, without their parent judging them harshly. No one wants negativity raining down, especially from a parent.
Joanne Stern figured the best way to foster such a relationship is with intimate contact.

• Showing up for events so your kid knows they are important and valued.
• Being an active listener and taking an interest in their life.
• Giving praise to build self esteem, and letting them know they belong.
• Respecting your kids by being honest with them, so they’ll respect and be honest with you.

Parenting is a Contact Sport isn’t some preachy psychology manual. Instead, it’s filled with anecdotes involving Joanne Stern and her daughters in real life situations, as well as stories from Joanne Stern’s therapy practice. The book shares good times as well as mistakes, reminding us that we don’t have to be perfect parents.
The important thing is to always put the relationship first. Do things that nurture the relationship, not tear it apart. (Your gut is probably telling you this concept is good. Mine sure did.)
Parenting is a Contact Sport can teach you to communicate openly with your child, to help your child learn from their experiences, to increase your influence so your kids use good judgment even when you’re not there.
All from the simple concept that good parenting involves contact.
Honor, value, and nurture the relationship you have with your kids – and they might just do the same for you

Scary Ghost Vist

I woke up the other night with a scary ghost in my bedroom. Eerie, white, ghoulish, ethereal, floating over me while I lay in bed. It scared the shit out of me. I swear, this scary ghost was trying to pick me up and cart me off to who knows where.

I screamed.

Or rather, I let out a bunch of short “ah-ah-ah!” screams. Not too loud, or I’d wake my daughter.

The thing is, I never get scared in my house. Walls creak, appliances knock, and I just keep doing my thing. When I’m sleeping? Nothing bothers me. Like any good parent, I wake up at the smallest sound. I determine the source, shrug and go back to sleep. About the worst that ever happens is a raccoon or skunk comes scratching at my front door.

But this ghost was so real, so amorphous, so unidentifiable, it really did scare me. Especially since it seemed keenly interested in me.

The “ah-ah-ah!” screams weren’t frightening this scary ghost away. I realized my daughter was tucked comfortably in her bed, and she damn well could have woke up and save me. I screamed louder to get her attention.

In a way, that did the trick – the scary ghost disappeared. As for my daughter? She didn’t wake up, let alone come to my rescue. She didn’t even make a sound.

With the scary ghost gone from my room, I wondered – should I go check on my daughter?
Nah. She didn’t check on me.

I rolled over and went back to sleep.

This is a true story. I wish I had a scary ghost video to share.

Nude Dream

My daughter called me into her room the other morning. She needed help. She has just started taking a psychology class, and the teacher told them to write down their dreams upon waking. Seemed like a fine assignment for introducing students to psychological concepts: the conscious, subconscious, superconscious, and wish I were conscious but it’s only a sexy dream with naked women parts of the mind. (Stop me if I’m getting too technical.)
“I don’t have dreams,” my daughter said.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Everyone dreams. You probably just don’t remember them.”
“Fine, I don’t remember. But I need to write something down. What should I do?”
Ever the good father, wanting my daughter to do well in school, and to not go without anything in life – I suggested (half joking) she use one of my dreams. I’ve had some doozies lately.
She considered my suggestion (if only to appease me for trying to help.)
“What did you dream about last night?” she asked.
“I’m not sure you want to hear,” I said. Me nude with naked women isn’t exactly father daughter material.
She frowned, skeptical
“I was naked,” I said.
“Ewwwwwwwww!!!!!”
Now, now. I wasn’t about to haul off and tell my daughter a dream about her father being nude. It’s just my sense of humor to take things right to the edge, then back off. She knows this. I chuckled.
“It’s not gross,” I said.
She gave me a curious look, like maybe this was a crowning moment in growing from a teenager into an adult. If you can talk with your dad about naked dreams, you’re just being mature, right?
“My teacher did say that dirty dreams are common, and nothing to be ashamed about,” she said.
“Ewwwwwwww!!!!!” I said. Now she was taking me to the edge. (Leave it to my daughter to turn the tables on her old man. She’s clever like that.)
We agreed it was best not to discuss my dream.
The problem is – the dream was so vivid, I now want a dream interpretation done on it. Think I could write it on a note, and have my daughter give the folded note to her psychology teacher? I’m guessing the teacher would have a field day. I’m also guessing it would embarrass my daughter to no end. Ha ha. (Don’t worry, I won’t do that.)
So, dear reader, I need your help. Want to interpret a dream with naked women? Here it is… and if you’re the type who goes “ewwwwww!!!!!”, you can avert your eyes now. And if you actually know a PhD thing or two about naked dream interpretation, feel free to mess with me. (Ha ha.) Have fun…

I was nude, taking a shower with three naked women. They stood surrounding me, carefully washing me. I suddenly realized I was a grown man (you know how facts creep up on you in dreams), and they were all quite beautiful, in great shape – slim, curvy, dream women (appropriate, no?) – but they weren’t being all sexy or sleazy with me. They were simply washing me because they quite earnestly wanted me to be clean.
“Hey, get out,” I said. I covered up as best I could, and nodded for them to leave the shower. They stepped out and walked away. Then I realized I didn’t want them to go. Not that I wanted a sexy threesome. I just hadn’t wanted them all in the shower with me at once, at least not if their only intent was to make me clean.
“Hey, come back,” I said. (Don’t you love how contradictory dreams can be?) One naked woman stepped back into the shower.
“Do you want me to wash you?” she asked.
“No, I can wash myself,” I said. “Where are the others?”
“You told them to leave.”
“But I want them back.”
“You don’t want just me?”
“No, it’s not that. You’re great.”
“Well, I’m not going to have sex with you,” she said. (Damn dream.)
I realized that I didn’t want to have sex with any of these three women, despite their dreamy sexy beauty. I wanted sex with some woman I hadn’t met in my dream yet.
“Can’t you bring me the woman who is supposed to have sex with me in this dream?” I asked.
And then I woke up.

Profound Questions Presented by Benjamin Ray Valadez

Sometimes I wonder, "how do certain people (the 'freaks and geeks') meet certain people ('the calm, cool and collected')?" Now before you jump to conclusions about why I would ask this question, don't, because I'm not really referring to anything or anyone in particular. I'm just thinking about it, because some life-long friendships that start late in life and relationships that I witness from the outside make absolutely no sense.

So how are they meeting each other? Is it because the freaks and geeks put themselves "out there" and don't care that they have to weed out 152 bad people to meet one good one? Is it because they have no other choice but to go meet new people because they simply have few to no people left in their life? Or is it that good old thing called "chance" that apparently works out for some people - like when people laugh and say, "I met my best friend by chance at the hospital the day I was born! We've been BFF's ever since!"?

Content trial and error? Forced to look due to loneliness? Or waiting for "chance" to come along?

I don't think I like any of those... except for "chance" which isn't exactly what one could call reliable. Am I missing other ways that certain people meet certain people later in life? And I don't mean like work or school where you kind have no choice but to meet people...

Listening or maybe not depending on your answer,

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Advice Giving for Sale aka Free

I've been thinking a lot about people who give advice. I have no idea what exactly qualifies them to be advice-givers, but there is something about them that makes people line up for advice like there's an ice cream truck handing out free ice cream in front of an orphanage. Its probably something to do with their educational background/life experience/likability factor or something? I think advice-givers have to at some point proclaim that they are giving advice away because if they don't, how would anyone know that they are giving advice away? So you know what? I, Benjamin Valadez, am an advice-giver. I'm giving it away for free, people. Free. Ask me for advice, and I'll try to help you out... or at the very least give you answer that helps you realize you were less confused when you came to me. That's the least I can do afterall. Things I will give you advice about: anything... unless I don't want to. Here's a real-life example: Person needing advice: I have two boyfriends. What should I do? Oh, and you don't know the whole story, so just know that I'm a bad person! My response: GURL-friend. N0 one else in the world knows the whole story but you, so it doesn't matter if you are a good person or not, we all still think you're an a** hole. (Yes, that is an "a", "star", "star" and a "hole" - this is real life, friends... stars make it official). So yeah.... you probably should dump one them. See? It's that type of advice that I have to offer and again, it's for free.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]