Prank Phone Call

My daughter, niece and I were sitting at the dinner table eating pizza after a night of bowling with friends when my daughter’s cell phone rang. She has one of those free ringtones that can’t be missed (go on, hit play. You know you want to hear it):

For the record, I have a no cell phones at the dinner table policy, just like her school has a no cell phones in the classroom policy. I asked her to silence the phone or remove it from the table.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I was actually expecting that call. No one else will be calling.”
Hmmm. Not good enough for me. She relented and put the cell phone on the living room book case.
We weren’t one bite of pizza further into the meal when her cell phone ringtone starts blaring again.
“Dammit,” I said. “Turn your phone off.”
No sooner had I said that, the phone went silent.
My niece has an evil grin.
My daughter went over to her phone and picked it up. Just as she was about to silence it, the ringtone started up again (making me wonder whether free ringtones are really free – or are we paying for them in hidden ways, like dinner interruptus?)
She looked at caller ID, and called out her cousin’s name in annoyance.
My niece’s evil grin turned into a giggle.
Apparently, speed dialing a cell phone and playing one of its ringtones is the new way for Kayla to torment Breana.

The Wiener Mobile

The Wiener Mobile , a photo by benjamin_valadez on Flickr.

The Wiener Mobile was at the grocery store (Vons) I work at today.

10 things fatherhood has taught me thus far

1. There will be drama every single day. Except for maybe the first day of school.

2. My daughter loves me unconditionally. She doesn't care about any of my flaws.

3. The money in my wallet is not mine. It’s my daughters. I’m just the walking ATM.

4. Sleep is a luxury. It is no longer a necessity or a right.

5. Parenting has made me into a blubbering fool at times. It’s OK for a superhero to cry right?

7. I learn from my daughter to be better, stronger and faster. See #2.

8. Sometimes I think my daughter secretly work for the Taliban on the weekends. See #4.

9. Braiding hair is not as easy as it looks. Really.

10. Beer is dear, but liquor is quicker. See #1.

So what have you learned thus far?

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Trading a Can of Whoop-Ass for Compassion

The other day I read a comment by a woman on a blog that touched a nerve. She essentially said that many men think with their “little heads” (yeah, those heads) and can’t distinguish between honest communication and a roll in the hay.
As Dad’s House readers may guess, it pissed me off.
Forget the polite use of “many” (I’m not sure who could make that quantification with any sanity or certainty), but a nerve was touched in me. I felt that once again, men were under attack. Just like when blogging single moms say “men suck”, “men are lazy”, “men are idiots”, “men are monsters”. It bugged me.
I responded to this new affront in typical Dad’s House style – I opened a can of whoop-ass in the form of an 800-word blog post defending men. I scheduled the post for 4am publication, then went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night I awoke, feeling differently.
Maybe it was Mama Dharma’s post about feeling compassion rather than anger toward her ex, and how forgiveness flipped rage into understanding. Whatever – I realized I didn’t want to put more dis-ease into the universe. I genuinely feel sad for any women who were so negatively touched by some man, sometime in their life – whether physically, mentally, or emotionally – that they now sometimes take subtle or direct verbal jabs at men. (I’m not saying this commentor did that, though it’s possible they might have.)
I removed my angry rant of a post, went back to sleep, and woke up to a blank screen this morning. And here I write.
As one of the few men who blogs in a female-dominated corner of the blogosphere (check how many single mom vs. single dad bloggers have chosen to be listed at the Facebook Single Parents Connection Group ) – let me just say, it can be positively exhausting. You have no idea how many little slips of the tongue women make and laugh off that can be perceived as demeaning toward men. Or how many times a blogging man offers advice, only to see it ignored until a woman says the same thing. (If you don’t want a man’s perspective, why on earth do you read this blog? Or maybe you just don’t “trust” a man’s perspective…)
I understand all this goes with the territory. There are single mothers who were treated poorly by the man in their life, either when they were together, or simply because he left. And some of these single moms might still be harboring anger, resentment, disappointment, lost hopes, distrust. Believe me, I know the feeling, at least a bit. My own divorce was amicable, but I still sometimes associate painful feelings with the separation.
Perhaps the exhausting part for me in the single parent blogosphere is that I do often take offense when some single moms go off on men. We men aren’t all lazy, stupid, clueless, sex-addicted idiots (at least not all the time). We’re feeling, thinking, desiring, hoping, dreaming, emoting humans, just like you. (Except that we probably don’t process emotions as quickly and smoothly as women. But I hate to generalize.) If you’re rolling your eyes because your ex showed none of these traits, then perhaps you’re simply feeding your pain-body in a steady-state, same as I was doing. We all can choose to react differently.
Peace. Joy. Gratitude.
Now then, wouldn’t a can of whoop-ass have been so much more fun to read?

A Strong Message About Bullying

No doubt bullying is an issue today. Perhaps I led a sheltered childhood, but I don’t remember childhood bullies going to the extremes that the bullies of today do. Maybe at worst, you were shoved around, pushed down and laughed at–and then it was usually over.
Today is a different world and what is sad is that the kids are screaming out for help internally, but having difficulty getting it externally. Alye Pollack is a Connecticut 8th grader and she silently tells her three year plight. Please take a few moments to watch this:

The most striking thing for me was that she claimed she was close to cutting. How do we (as parents and as a society) allow our kids to get to this point? Most of the people who read this site have kids between 7 and 19. This is important. Please have these uncomfortable conversations with your kids!

I have a crush on my daughter’s friends mother!

Today I thought it would be fun (since it is Fun Saturday!) to talk about people in our everyday lives that we have little crushes on. For example, I think Breana’s friend mom is very cute, and I actually try to be clean shaven whenever I have to talk to her. She’s very friendly and obviously smart. But overall she’s just awfully cute.
I had already planned to write about innocent crushes in our everyday lives when I saw ABC’s “Modern Family” on Wednesday. (If you haven’t seen this show you need to watch it. It is the best new show on TV.) One of the dads on the show was having gall bladder stones (or kidney stones) and he finally agreed to let his wife call the fire department to take him to the hospital. His wife had a slight ulterior motive: apparently the entire fire department is hot and everyone in the town knows it.

As soon as their kid dials 911, the wife was off getting dressed while the husband was groaning on their bed. She comes out in tight jeans, low cut top and high heels. The dad stops his groaning to note that she’s put on lipstick and fixed her hair. And he totally knew why.

(The gay couple on the show trying to Ferberize their new adopted daughter with hilarious results is a whole other discussion for another day!)

So for Fun Saturday, who do you have a crush on in your everyday life?I have a crush on my daughter’s friends mother!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

I Am Indeed A Violin

"She'll pull you out on the river - she's gussied up like sin,
You got jack all squat - you're a violin
And you're gonna get played until the money's all gone
Dearly beloved, the fix is on..."

- "The Fix Is On" by Peter Mulvey, from the album The Knuckleball Suite

Yes, it's true, no matter how much I try to deny it.

I am a violin.

How do I know this? My daughter is a master violinist, and doesn't really know it yet. She plays me like nobody can, I'm powerless to stop it. It's like I'm Superman (don't laugh, please) and she is like this five and a half foot tall, nineteen-year old block of kryptonite that wheedle better than God.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm 28years older than her, I'm stronger/faster than her. I am adult with a job and rent and I can drink beer anytime I want and drive* anywhere anytime...yet, somehow I can't resist the force of nature that is my Wee Lass.

I could say its because I just can't stand to hear whining, in any way shape or form. Especially that dentist-drill-in-the-form-of-a-kids-voice that so many of the kiddies are able to inflict on the world**. I could say its because the little kids are cute-cuddly-the-future-of-the-humna-race-blah-blah-blah...I could even say its because I am just a weenie who cannot muster the cojones to say no, just because I am the dad and I said so. And these are significant reasons why I am a violin.

But...the real reason is...I look at my daughter and she looks back at me with those impossibly beautiful eyes of hers and she smiles or does the "Happy Dance" and I say something that makes her laugh, and ohmygawd that laugh, that laugh can launch ships and cure the sick and it makes me want fall to my knees and kiss her feet because, because, because...

...she's my big pretty girl and I am dumbstruck***, in awe, totally flummoxed and grateful that I can be in her presence and know that I had something to do with bringing her into the world.

And that makes me a truly lucky man.

Winning the Lottery: What Would You Do?

 I was talking with a friend recently about winning the lottery. It's a great fantasy to think about getting a ton of money and turning in your old life for a new one filled with buckets of caviar, gold plated computers and money fights.

When most people talk about winning the lottery, they think about what they would buy, and my friend was no exception.

“What would you do?” I asked him.

He immediately began rattling off a detailed list of purchases that he would make. It was clear this was not the first time he had thought about this.

I interrupted him, “But what would you do?"

He stopped and pondered in silence for a while. This was not something he had thought about.

As great as it would be to win enough money never to have to work again, waking up each day with no real sense of purpose isn't enough for me. I need to be doing something, though if I didn't have to do anything, I'm not sure what I'd do. Maybe I'd write full time. Or perhaps I'd find a cool hobby or take up golf. I'd like to see more of the world than just the United States. But the reality is while all of these things sound like fun they aren't enough to fill up the rest of my life. I would need to be challenged. I would need to turn on my brain. Vacations are fun, but if there is nothing to counter-balance them, it's easy to imagine life becoming stale. Without the need to work, what would propel me through life? I'd like to think that I would be the type of person to use my financial freedom to better the world in some way--start a charity or something noble like that.

The idea of filling up your life with possessions is easy, but filling up all of that time is much harder. If given all of that money and all of that freedom, what would you do with it?

I believe I can fly…again

I never thought I would be a single dad at the age of 47. When I settled down in my late 20’s, I couldn’t imagine that almost 19 years later, I would be single again and “starting over.” I also never thought it would take me almost 2 years to come to grips with my new life… to snap out of it. After a little more than 2 years of sadness and stress, I finally realized that I was depressed, severely depressed. Even when I was in denial of the changes that were rapidly taking place in my life. At first it was hard to admit or even realize, that I had a problem that I just couldn’t shake. I think as a man, it was even harder to admit that I was depressed because it was very easy to hide. I needed to be that strong dad for my daughter. Yeah, I still laughed, made jokes etc, but deep down and behind the smiles, I was an insecure, crying desperate man that had no idea on how to cope with a new lifestyle. I just refused to realize that I no longer had a family. The life that I lived for 10+ years was no longer there. Even my friends and family were “over” my situation. I guess they figured that, “hey dude, it’s been 2 years, get over it.” But then again, these are my “happily married” friends that have NO IDEA about the pain I was dealing with. Part of me knew that this was the new reality, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake it. I no longer liked to the things that I enjoyed. Fishing, reading comics, playing poker… I had no interest whatsoever. Back in 2009, I went to my family doctor and told her what was going on and all she said was eat right and get more exercise. Well, I did that and my mind remained in a fog.
I tried several things to try and hide what was really going on with me and hide my depression, I went out and bought a motorcycle, labeling it as a midlife crisis. It was not a mid life crisis, it was one of my several lame attempts to fill something that was missing in my life. I also quit drinking. Even though I knew I was improving my health, quitting was like losing a friend. It sucked. Yet another wound that was slow healing. I joined a gym again and got my body back in shape. I felt better physically, but my mind still felt “off.” At that time, I didn’t even attempt to date because I knew at some point the conversation would turn to my own personal “doom and gloom.” I wasn’t ready for that.
The 2010 holidays were especially difficult. All I wanted to do was sleep. SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP. I’d drag myself out of bed everyday and just slump through the day. Dealing with my daughter was a challenge too. I could tell I was not that fun daddy that liked to play and joke around with my daughter. I felt so inadequate and helpless for days and months on end. My house was falling apart and even though I was working full time again, money was still a struggle. Right before Thanksgiving, some personal possessions were stolen from me. This sent me deeper and deeper into feeling hopeless and helpless. I was also started drinking a bit more that I should have been.
My claim to be a Dad Unmasked was clearly a farce. I was hiding BEHIND a mask, cowering in my own shame of being a failed boyfriend, a failure at life. I was a walking zombie. At times, I’d break down and start crying for no reason. Yes, I was a grown man, sobbing like a little girl, and I had no idea why. I knew something was really wrong so I finally sought professional help. I met with a therapist 2 times within a month and I was starting to feel a bit better about myself. I didn’t feel stressed, angry, lonely or anxious. I had those terrible feelings for so long that it felt strange that I was NOT feeling that way anymore. It’s like the weight of the world was suddenly lifted from my shoulders. I felt strong again. I felt alive again. I’m not sure want happened. Maybe my body and mind were just tired of being sick and tired. I don’t know, but whatever happened, I’m glad that it did. It’s been about 1.5 months since the “weight” has been lifted and I feel great. I feel like me again.
I’m back. There is no denying who I am anymore and I am just fine with it. I am a single dad, a geek and a wannabe superhero. AND I believe I can fly… again.

Driving Under The Limit!!

Having a daughter who has been driving for a few years and a niece who is about to get her permit…and watching their friends drive has gotten a bit under my skin lately.

As we live in a country with the lowest driving age (shared by Canada and parts of Australia - 16) and I know that some back-assward states let kids get permits at 14…

I started to look at some statistics. They frightened me!

• There are more than six million car accidents each year in the United States.

• A person dies in a car accident every 12 minutes and each year car crashes kill 40,000

people.

• The leading cause of death for individuals between 2 and 34 years old is motor vehicle crashes.

• Someone is injured by a car crash every 14 seconds and about two million of the people injured in car accidents each year suffer permanent injuries.

• Over 25% of all drivers were involved in an auto accident in a five-year period.

• Excessive speed is the second most common cause of deadly auto accidents, which accounts for about 30% of fatal accidents.

• Car crashes cost each American more than $1,000 a year; $164.2 billion is the total cost

each year across the United States.

• Car accidents are the leading cause of death for kids between 2 and 14; About 2,000 children die each year from injuries caused by car accidents.

• Each year, almost 250,000 children are injured in car crashes, meaning nearly 700 kids are harmed every day.

• Car accidents are the leading cause of acquired disability nationwide.

Now why can’t we get on board with the rest of the world and raise the minimum driving age to 17 or even 18 ?

When I see things like this….

I get furious! (Fine…I may be prone to road rage….but this is why)

Your thoughts?

benjamin_valadez's photostream

benjamin_valadez's photostream on Flickr.

Random Pictures in my Flickr account..